The word kind of lingered on me for a while since I have a tendency to, I guess.
One of my all-time favorite musician is Nirvana, a band which had a vocalist/songwriter committed
suicide after drug overdose.
Although I do not admire negative side of the band (committing suicide, doing drugs etc),
I must admit that I was deeply influenced and even started my little band in my teen age years.
Or, the friends I hanged around with. For better or worse, kids with similar interests tend to
become friends. Being a fan of Nirvana and such, I had been and I guess I still am interested in
"edgy" "cool" people, who do not seem to obey the authority. They are like astronauts.
The heaviness of gravity doesn't apply to them. The days were like bubbles.
I always like the term "liberty" and the idea has pushed me to follow the path that I am walking.
And no matter what, I won't feel any better as I sit in office writing my dissertation on Friday night.
Some people say "self-destructive".
But I see myself in a different view.
"There is a whole lot of opportunity that lies in the outside world.
If you have a ticket, why not jump into the field and find the goldmine?"
If you depend on somebody for something, you are likely to be bounded by such things,
regardless of what you are getting.
Life is a trade-off. I do not criticize them.
But I am not self-destructive.
I am, just like anybody, trading-off the chances and risks for my living.
